against the martyr mama

Motherhood is sacrificial. It is life giving and hard and takes more of you than you could ever imagine. I have learned more about selflessness since becoming a mother than I have in my entire life before. 


BUT. 


On the internet and in real life, I hear too much about “the martyr mother”. This mother sacrifices EVERYTHING for her children. 


She skips showers when she is covered in poo so that she can hold her baby a little longer. 


She says no to an outfit that makes her happy and comfortable in her postpartum body so that she can buy one more cute dress for her baby girl. 


She skips one-on-one coffee with her best friend so that she can snuggle her baby longer and not drop her off at grandmas.



I’m all for making sacrifices for my children. I want them to have amazing lives where they are happy and loved. I want them to have everything they want and never have a care in the world. 


But I also don’t! I want them to be prepared for life. I want them to know that sometimes mama needs some time to herself, and it’s ok. I want them to know how to entertain themselves and each other. I want them to be comfortable and happy with other people, especially other family members and my close friends. 


I’ve definitely done my fair share of skipping events or not getting something I want because it’s not what’s best for my baby. But I’ve also had my parents babysit so I could go run errands on my own. I’ve brought him plenty of times to hang out with my friends and feel like myself. 


Being pregnant again has even more reinforced my thoughts on this. Sometimes my son REALLY wants snuggles from mama. He wants me to read to him and he wants to climb all over me. But that’s not always what’s best for me or the new baby. Sometimes I have to say no to something that’s not bad for him for the sake of my second child. 


And that’s ok!


As sad as it is to see him sad, it is even better for him to learn that he can’t have everything he wants. 


Yes, he will only be so small for a time. Yes, I want to get every smile and kiss and giggle that I can. But not at the expense of myself or his coming little sister. 


So no. I am not a martyr mother. And I am ok with that.