My number one biggest fear is something happening to my baby. I spent the whole first trimester low-key worrying about him constantly. I did my best to convince myself that everything was fine and avoided anything that would stress me out. Because of this we opted out of genetic tests and screenings. I’ve heard way too many stories about doctors telling expectant mothers their child has a genetic abnormality or a minute chance of down syndrome, etc. The mom freaks out, but then when the baby was born they are absolutely perfect. It is always such a relief to hear his heart beating on a doppler or see him playing with his hands on an ultrasound, and now that I’m further along, feeling him move inside of me is the most comforting thing ever.
I worry that something will happen to me and therefore hurt the baby. I fell flat on my back at 22 weeks pregnant and spent over 30 minutes on google making sure we’d be okay even though I felt totally fine and my little baby was wiggling around as content as could be. Driving scares me now when I used to love it before. I’d hate to be pregnant and stranded on the side of the road or even worse get into an accident. Once, on the way to an ultrasound appointment my front passenger tire blew up and I was confronted face-to-face with my fear of being stranded on the side of the road, alone, and pregnant, but I wasn’t alone for long. Not only did my husband show up to replace the tire in less than ten minutes, a big tow truck also arrived to block traffic and keep us all safe.
I’m scared and distrusting of doctors and for some reason when my husband and I decided to get pregnant I didn’t realize that it meant going to the doctor a bajillion times over the next nine months. It didn’t make sense to go pay so many copays and be poked and prodded when there was technically nothing wrong with me. Thankfully we hired midwives and their office is nothing like a doctor’s office and their procedures are nothing like that of a hospital. That alleviates a lot of stress for me.
I worry that something will happen to my husband and that I’ll be stuck raising a baby alone, without him. He loves doing extreme “sports” that get him labeled as an adrenaline junkie when it’s really the exact opposite, they calm him. When I met him he was a skydiving instructor and jumped out a plane ten or more times a day. He loves bouldering (rock climbing without ropes) and riding motorcycles and going for overnight hikes in the snow with only a hammock to sleep in at night and a Lifestraw. None of that stuff ever bothered me before. I knew in my heart he’d be fine even if I couldn’t contact him for a couple of days. Now I worry about him when he’s just driving to and from appointments. I try not to limit him, he’d go crazy without an outlet from his day-to-day routine, but it’s much harder on me than it used to be. Thankfully he’s super respectful and has cut back on a lot of the crazier activities that worry me now.
I also worry that this crazy pregnant lady buried beneath the surface will come out and attack someone or start randomly crying in public, especially on days where I’m already stressed out and frustrated. It’s the strangest feeling to know in my head that something is not as big of a deal as it feels like it is. It takes me much longer to feel calm now after something goes wrong, and that in turn makes me worry that my unborn baby is being exposed to too much cortisol… When I feel like this it really helps to talk to other mamas I know, or even just take a bath and relax.
Strangely though, I’m not afraid of giving birth at all. I think it’s going to be an amazing and empowering experience, and I’m really looking forward to it. Living with and being responsible for a newborn though, that’s terrifying.
What were some of your biggest pregnancy fears and how did you cope? If you have any advice for me, I’d love it if you’d leave a comment or shoot a message on Ask a Bestie.